Photographs by Willard Van De Bogart
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Ke, slowly walked ahead of me on a small dirt path cleared of mines, and again he was out of sight leaving me to enjoy my solitude on the temple grounds. I saw an entrance way into a court yard with a stone frame and lintel still in place which framed an empty space as if some large picture frame was placed against the temple.
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I became so excited to see a partially intact temple structure that I ran off the path which Ke, my guide, had set for me to follow. By this time Ke was far ahead of me around the corner of the temple so he could not see me as I ran toward the courtyard entrance with my camera in hand. But then all of a sudden I froze in terror as I knew landmines could be buried anywhere away from the cleared path. I was immediately afraid for my life and stood as still as I could with the forest all around me. In that instance I could see my life as never before. I had crossed over into a forbidden zone of the temple grounds, and realized I had made a grave error in judgment. I knew for the moment I was safe because I wasn't moving, but I had to move if I wanted to get back to my original path. I didn't want to yell, I only wanted to get out of my predicament.
Before me was the gate into Beng Mealea. It stood there as a lasting symbol of a once great thriving complex of priests and scholars. I lifted my camera and took my picture and then realized I had to leave. Would I ever see the photograph I just took? I was frozen in what seemed like a moment of truth. Would I be able to leave these gates of the temple? Would my destiny allow me to return to my world or must I leave this world with the last image in my mind being the temple of Beng Mealea? A conversation took place within my mind. I said only that I would present the temple to the world in the most respectful way. I confessed that I only wanted to honor the intention of the builders of Beng Mealea and convey the spirit of Beng Mealea. It was a plea to the Neak Ta, and I knew that if I placed my foot on the wrong spot, where there may be a landmine, I would no longer be able to convey any of my impressions.
All the colors and sounds around me were enhanced as I stood in the forest in total silence with uncertainty for my survival. Everything was acute with my perception of my surroundings, and the intensity of the experience was a heightened state of consciousness as if all of Beng Mealea was going to pass through my eyes, and the spirits of those who passed before me were going to either keep me with them or let me leave. I was very sad to have been so foolish. My quest to experience the site of the Devaraja was about to remove me from everything I wanted to enjoy in the life that had been given to me. I was alone, and had to face this reality whether I liked it or not. The sounds of the birds at this point became very pronounced and the trees were filled with a chorus of unbelievable callings and the heat from the sun was penetrating my skin making me perspire. I became extremely alert and I slowly turned my head and saw the path from which I had run from only minutes earlier. The path looked like it was a mile away. I slowly lifted my foot and placed it directly behind me. I didn't know for certain where to step I only knew I wanted to get back to the path. My heart was pounding as I took a gasp of air and began to run back to where I knew it was safe. Every step was a step with foreboding and fear. I resented the Khmer Rouge for making me live in this moment of terror. I could only imagine how horrific in must have been for the millions of Cambodians who had to endure this terrifying uncertainty during the Pol Pot era. I was full of anxiety as I cherished my pilgrimage and disliked the world that I presently had to experience.
I made it back to the path. I was allowed to leave the forbidden zone, which I was drawn into by the majestic temple of Beng Mealea, even against all my better judgment of knowing there still could be landmines in the ground. I had to wonder if the ancestor spirits, Neak Ta, that I thought I had encountered in the subterranean gallery helped me escape my fears, and ultimately a buried landmine.
The Cambodian Mine Action Centre (CMAC) in Phnom Penh estimates it will take 124 years for Cambodia to be completely free of landmines. It is estimated that in an area of 4,000 square metres there could be between 4 and 10 million landmines and unexploded ordinance (UXO). In 2004 deminers cleared close to 5 million mines in Battambang. My fears were not unfounded and I felt very grateful to have returned back to my original path at Beng Mealea.
The intensity of the moment had subsided and with great relief I tried to catch up with Ke. When I turned the corner of the temple I was greeted by several apsaras smiling down on me. It truly felt like they were angles from heaven. It was as if they knew I was coming and perhaps they had a part to play in getting me back to safety. I was so drawn to their smiles high atop a mound of fallen temple stones that I climbed up over the stones and greeted each one.
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Strange indeed, how my world would become a mixture of myth and reality. On the one hand I knew I was just visiting Beng Mealea, but on the other it all seemed all so surreal to me. The apsaras looked real as I climbed up the stones and sat down next to them and even talked with them and thanked them for being my sentinels as I approached that seemingly magic gate into a courtyard of Beng Mealea.
I was deliriously happy to be alive and thankful I had not tripped and fallen down a temple wall. More importantly I realized I had briefly walked through a temple that brought me to the depths of the earth and to the essence of my being. My life was spared at Beng Mealea. I tried for a long time to capture the fading images of the apsaras before I left the temple grounds. I looked at their feet hidden beneath the stones, and their faint smiles as the cracks in the stones were widening ever so slowly disrupting their singular presence. I got very close to these flying celestial nymphs, born of the Churning of the Sea of Milk of Indra's sky in his heavenly abode. As odd as it may sound they seemed to acknowledge my being there. As I climbed around the last corner before descending the pile of temple stones, there, facing the world was still one more apsara. She was very difficult to find and equally difficult to reach. Her feet were blocked from view by the fallen stones, but her complete image stood as a testimony to the exquisite beauty that once graced the walls of Beng Mealea.
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There are not many years left for this lonely singular apsara draped in vines and slowly eroding away. But what can be seen is truly representative of the ornamentation, costume, and jewelry that were worn during this time. The lotus earrings and elongated ear lobes topped by a tiara with hair flowing and tied at the ends in a full knot. The coiffure was slipped through ringlets of jeweled golden bands with her chignon pointing upwards. Peal covered anklets and arm bands completed her adornments. Her long sarong with geometric designs on the bottom edge and the material draping softly with a subtle flair indicating the material may of been made from silk. Her belt was also jeweled with small pendants wrapped around the top of the sarong. And of course the lotus flower she held in her right hand; the symbol of Beng Mealea.
Deep inside Beng Mealea lurks something so very different from all the other temples that are now visited by thousands of tourists. There are no tour buses, no hotels, no signs or advertisements, just jungle and moss covered stones. Beng Mealea only has half naked Cambodian children playing in the myriad of wild flowers caressing an enormous testimony to an empire that still has something to offer people today. If only we could be still long enough to listen to the spirit voices surrounding Beng Mealea. It took the fear of a landmine to make me realize the intrinsic qualities that lurk throughout the land of Beng Mealea.
Someday, the shroud of nature may be lifted from Beng Mealea and all the stones will be put back in place. When and if that day ever comes a new chapter in Khmer history will have begun. Walking in the sunken galleries will clearly tell you there was more to the devotion of Shiva any of us will likely fathom at Beng Mealea. However, Beng Mealea's presence does allow a glimpse at what the Khmer Kings were trying to say.
Section 1: King Suryavarman II
Section 2: Royal Welcome - Photo Gallery
Section 3: Muchalinda and the Neak Ta - Part 1.
Section 3: Muchalinda and the Neak Ta - Part 2.
Section 5: Hidden Treasures and Ancient Memories
Other stories related to the Khmer Empire.
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Part I- Stones in the Sky - Before the Journey to Angkor Wat
Part II - Stones in the Sky - Journey to Angkor Wat - July 2002.
Part III - Stones in the Sky - Section I - Journey to Angkor Wat - March 2003.
Part III - Stones in the Sky - Section II - Journey to Angkor Wat - March 2003.
Part IV - Stones in the Sky - Journey to Preah Vihear - May 2004.
Apsaras and Devatas - Photo documentation of female divinities at Angkor Wat.